filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
