Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
