a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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