before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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