what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
