he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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