his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
