i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
