There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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