Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
