I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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