Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
