I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
God I need to hump something, right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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