he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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