haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
