Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
