After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
