I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found puke in my bra..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
