problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
