somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
