Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
