I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
