sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
