There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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