why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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