I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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