hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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