i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
