I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize