I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
