I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
God I need to hump something, right now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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