I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
