Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
