You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
