i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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