I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
