I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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