she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
