where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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