Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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