My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
