so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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