Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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