Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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