what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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