I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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