How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
