Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
