I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
