Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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