She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
