so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
