I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
