dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
