If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
