why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
