You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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