so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
