i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
