so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
