I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
