how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
