I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
