My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
