You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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