I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
