Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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