Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
