I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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