The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
