So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
