She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
