I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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