omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
