I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
