8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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