Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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