he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
